I read The Horse and His Boy when I was about ten, so it's been a long time, and I don't remember the plot so well. But from what I recall, this story fits in very nicely with the tone of the book. I really like the sentence "a terrible lion-demon sypports them". That's definitely one way to look at Aslan, I suppose.

They did not say that their women also rode to war, yet I can see one leading the archers – the younger Queen, I guess, wondering at her brother allowing it, and am deeply grateful that my own sisters need follow no such barbaric custom.
Interesting cultural perspective here...I wonder what his sisters would think if allowed to speak for themselves?

I really like the way you took the thoughts of one soldier in a vast army and humanized him, making us feel sympathy for him.

The last line...*shiver* Yikes. Mercy or not? I can't decide.